Friday, April 24, 2009

What the Hell are Old Dutch Chips?

A recent fake survey shows that that after death and prison rape, change is the most Canadians greatest fear. There has been a recent disturbing change in the break room at my current employer. The regular national brand potato chips, such as Lay’s have been replaced by a brand named Old Dutch. As I knew Old Dutch as a brand of bleach this frightened me but aroused my curiosity. I had to learn more.

A little research on the corporate website shows that Old Dutch is a company that claims to have been founded in Western Canada in 1954. The brand is well known in the prairies and in 2006 bought the Humpty Dumpty Company to enter the rest of Canada. The chips bring back nostalgia to those originally from the prairies. As the chips are terrible I can only assume living in the prairies resembles hell. I needed some of the Old Dutch bleach to wash the taste out of my mouth and thankfully the bleach actually tasted better.

The Old Dutch chip displays at supermarkets are always in perfect condition. This either means that the employees visit everyday or absolutely no one is buying them. The vending machine has become a lonely place as most employees choose hunger or fig newtons for their snack needs.

The Dutch are known for things as varied as loose morales, artistic soccer, canals and windmills. While a windmill adorns the chip bags I was not aware that the Dutch are known for their culinary ability with a tater. If that was ever the case the Netherlands should sue for defamation of character as these chips destroy that with a single bite.

The company claims to have been the little company that grew from humble beginning in Winnipeg in 1954. This transforms to 1934 and Minnesota when you click on the US link. So while their Jalopeno & Cheese flavour (sorry flavor) is abysmal, only phony nostalgia and fake patriotism can leave a worse taste in your mouth.


Diavoli said...

I believe at times that when a company pushes a really bad product to the consumer in the marketplace like the Old Dutch Chips do, we the consumers should take aggressive action to repel the bad products, such as writing your MPP or writing to Lays to buy them and discontinue the Old Dutch Chips. Usually the "Other" products in the marketplace are cheaper and have a lower quality "Made in China" type feel to it. I don't understand why Old Dutch chips still has the tendency to sell their products at the same price as Lays and Ruffles. Economics 101 says Supply with Demand must meet Equilibrium selling price. There is no demand for the chips, Old Dutch doesn't adhere to the basic laws of economics. Bad Chips, really oily with a lot of sodium content in them. Some of those sales guys have to just keep on eating their products just to keep a decent pay check.

Anonymous said...

Oh, come on guys, I saw you both scarf them down when presented to you. I guess the only thing that makes an expired bag of Old Dutch chips tase good is that they are free. And that you/we are loaded on Vodka.

Anonymous said...

Maybe if Diavoli did some research he/she would know that Old Dutch Chips bought Humpty Dumpty Potato chips:
If I remember correctly Humpty Dumpty was a pretty good chip. Maybe a little oily and a higher sodium content but why do we eat chips? To be healthy? no! To pig out essentially. if your looking for a chip that is "healthy" I wouldnt be suggesting "lays" is any better. Costco sells a veggie chip...try those.
I think the real issue with Diavoli's post is the fact that you said "Made in China" feel to it. Uh really? Your going to go there? I work for Roots Canada. I know for a fact that the owners make a lot of the products overseas. Not all items that are made overseas are that kind of product. And if Canada and USA did not make products overseas the economic crisis wouldn't just be in the West it would be international. Stop. Think. and then Speak.

Anonymous said...

Oh common! How juvenile can one get? They are just potato chips, and they are all delicious. What a bunch of bigoted anti-western Canada whining. Sorry for you that Old Dutch didn't rise from out of Ontario, where they surly would have been more to your taste.

Editor In Chief said...

They didnt even come out of the prairies though. They are from the United States, unless Minne fucking sota is in Canada. Guess thats one less thing the Prairies have to be proud of. At least you got wheat and open spaces!

Anonymous said...

These chips don't come from overseas my friend there is a old dutch plant in united states (minni area) and 2 in canada alberta and eastern my mind you are just an epic fail of research knowledge