Tuesday, April 21, 2009

No Groping :Taking the Fun Out of Riding the Subway

Taking the subway is a dreary experience. You are stuck in a metal can, far beneath the surface of the city. It’s either too busy during rush hour or too scary at all other hours of the day. It smells of urine and body odor. There are only two benefits to riding the subway if you’re not some sort of environmental kook without the money for a Prius. Playing spot the rats in the station and groping unsuspecting passengers in a cramped train.

The subway offers unparalleled groping opportunities giving you a choice of shapes, sizes, colours and creeds. Our founding fathers could only dream of such variety when creating this fine nation. It is an outrage that the transit authority in Boston has found it necessary to start a campaign against this. It encourages riders to report incidents of inappropriate touching and/or rubbing and take pictures of the offender. Way to keep my rubbing anonymous Boston!

The campaign is being hailed as a success as complaints have risen 74% over last year, from 48 to 65. That’s an additional 17 people who have been made aware. I hereby nominate the MBTA for the Captain Obvious Hall of Fame. I realize this is a serious issue and people can get seriously violated through some sickos on a train. People also get killed and we don’t have “Murder Is Bad” posters throughout the city. The two reasons someone is rubbing up against you on the subway is if it’s packed or if they’re mentally freaking ill. A poster isn’t gonna stop a sicko from grabbing some ass but it will probably make someone feel guilty in a crowded train.

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