Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Swine Flu Fashion Guide

I’m a bit of a driving voyeur. I like to look in cars and stare at people to freak them out. As I was driving tonight I looked over and saw an Audi A6 beside me. The highway was pretty clear so I was able to get a clear look. What I saw inside was certainly a sign of the times. Instead of the familiar glow of a satellite radio or GPS, or the scared look of the passenger I’m spying on, I was the one who received the fright. Hanging on the rearview mirror was a face mask.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like to take precautions. During showers, I have replaced Irish Spring with Purell. My water of choice, Evian, has been replaced with Purell on Ice. To fulfill my caffeine needs I have switched from espresso to cappuccino. I would never dilute my fine Italian coffee with sanitizer but maybe added calcium will help.

The main problem with face masks, ignoring the fact that they scare the shit out of me is that they are so blasé. As a fashionista I need to be on the cutting edge. A boring life saving face mask doesn’t match with my exclusive Swedish designed H&M shirts, or my denim pants acquired from Winners. What am I to do?

Luckily Mexicans have come to the rescue. They have started to personalize their face masks with funky, one of a kind designs. What if I don’t want to damage a face mask to look cool? They may not even work without a skull painted on in black felt pen. Well worry no longer as here are some suggestions to help you look good when the fashion police cart away your dead flu ridden body:

For the label whore. The carpet may not match the drapes, but don't be caught dead with your mask not matching your purse.

For your beloved childhood toy. You survived the potato famine and 25 relaunches of Burger King fries. If youre going to go because of a pig, let it be as a side dish beside pork chops.

For the Raptors fan. Chris Bosh will be gone next year. You dont have to go. Stay alive to watch another 5 year rebuilding plan. Raptors Basketball....It's Fantastic!

For the weed smoker.Don't bogart that blunt man, but bogart your life.

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