Thursday, June 11, 2009

Great Inventions of the 21st Century: The Comfort Wipe

Wiping your ass is a difficult proposition. With all the great inventions of the past 100 years it is an embarrassment to the western world that we have not progressed from our savage past. Forget about armies, MTV or Guantanamo Bay.In my humble opinion our greatest weapon against Al Qaeda would be an invention that would cut out the mess and the fuss of cleaning your behind.

Well that weapon is here thanks to the people at Telebrands. For over two decades founder AJ Khubani and his team has searched the world for products to offer consumers on late night infomercials. Products like the PedEgg, PediPaws, Go Duster and Stick Up Bulbs have been sold to insomniacs, depressives and shut ins.

Now for just $19.99 they bring us the Comfort Wipe. They claim it's the biggest breakthrough in ass wiping since the 1880's!!! While a wonderful breakthrough on par with insulin or the four bladed razor, it's not as cool as 3 ply, quilted paper with a flower design. The Comfort Wipe extends your wiping reach by a full 18 inches while it clutches the paper with a claw. A look at the commercial shows it is great for bad actors pretending to have arm injuries or arthritis. Fat guys love it too as they can also use it to grab cheetos while on the can.

So now it is up to you,US Army. Show those guys in the middle east how progressive we are by dropping a shitload of these over Iraq and Afghanistan. It's better then having them clog up landfill sites in North America.


Anonymous said...

Did the woman in the ad actually say that it's embarassing having someone wipe her ass???

Editor In Chief said...

Yes she did.