The End of Jack 92.5

The hits recently returned to 92.5 in Toronto. After a number of years as Jack, the station that no one asked for or listened to Kiss FM has returned to the city. Finally there is a place I can hear "Boom Boom Pow" once an hour, because Virgin, Chum, Flow, Z103 and Kiss in Buffalo only play it like every couple of hours. Phew way to fill a market niche Rogers.

There are a few people who are missing Jack. Like the kid above. The kid is ready to cry apparently unaware that "Wock Music" can be heard on about 15 stations in the city. This thing called the internet has a rock station. There's also a Jack FM in Buffalo and about 100 other cities if Jack is his only friend.

Years ago a kid like this would write in his diary or top a pen pal and hang out at the comic book store. He would only get mocked at school, now he gets mocked on the internet. Too bad I can't give him a virtual wedgie. If I was this kids parents I would get him a speech therapist and a job at Burger King. Heck maybe some steroids and Lasok. He needs to get out of his house.

Saving the World A Nickel At A Time

As a child growing up in the eighties finding a nickel allowed you to enter a world of luxurious delights. That 5 cents in hard currency was the key to a sour key or a couple of those Kraft Caramels. Sure inflation has destroyed the value of that nickel, but in 2009 a nickel will let you save the world, one plastic bag at a time.

Starting June 1, a City of Toronto bylaw legislated that all stores would have to levy a charge of at least 5 cents for a plastic bag. It's refreshing to see the city take on the real issues of the day like plastic bags. Sure a pothole sits there unfixed for months but if you want a plastic bag tax or an unused bike lane thats going to tie up traffic the City will get 'er done.

While some people complain about the cost, a bag at discount supermarket no frills has cost 5 cents for years. When the concept was started in 1978 , a bag cost 3 cents. Either the shoppers of 31 years ago were getting ripped off, or a plastic bag is the best bargain in town. That doesnt take into account that when Loblaws started charging a couple of months ago there was a upgrade in bag quality. While they charged a nickel, they used more plastic. Is that really friendly to the environment? I now expect a quality bag for my nickel and I better not get a small bag if all I bought was a deodorant and a chapstick. Shouldn't I get the same quality big bag that others are getting?

What really tickles my fancy bone is that I used to feel guilty whenever I took a needless plastic bag. Now for just a nickel, the cost of 1 minute of downtown parking, I can pollute the planet guilt free. Thanks David Miller!

The Dears Live In Toronto : Like Poutine Without The Gravy

Billy Bob Thornton was run out of Canada for being a jackass on CBC Radios Q. Angered at the interviewer for no sensible reason he said that Canadian audiences were like “mashed potatoes without the gravy”. The audience at his show in Toronto that night responded with boos and he cancelled the rest of the Canadian run of his tour. At the Dears concert on April 30 at the Mod Club in Toronto I realized he may be a heatbag but he is probably right.

At their Mod Club show, Lightburn, well known for his spasticity, was fairly subdued. Some of the blame may be due to a stolen bus. As they prepared to depart Montreal to begin their tour they discovered that their tour bus had disappeared. While the thieves took a bus on a joyride around the streets of Montreal the Dears had to rent a van. With their equipment untouched they took the 6 hour drive to Toronto and the show started on time.

The show began with recorded music and I was startled by a bump. I turned around to start a fight and saw Lightburn singing and moving through the crowd. He was barely noticed until he reached the front of the hall. As threw his mic in the air all that could be heard was silence. A good clue to a bad crowd is when no one sings along to the complicated lyrics “ooooooooooh ahhhhhhhhh oooooooooooh”.

With at times three guitarists and two keyboards, the band had a lush, overlapping sound. The only issue was the occasional thump emanating from the Latin club located below the Mod Club. The band whipped through a 90 minute set covering their later career including highlights “Lost in the Plot” and “Hate Then Love”. Even as the first show of a tour with a new (old) guitarist and a recent lineup change recent band they sounded tight and prepared. The same could not be said for the crowd who responded pavlonian style when they heard the word “Toronto”.



With the end of a two song encore I left the Mod Club wanting to revisit some of their songs. As I came out not hating them, I would consider the show a success.

The Dears, for those who don’t know or have never heard of Wikipedia, are a Canadian Indie Rock Band. They are led by the husband and wife team of Murray Lightburn and Natalia Yanchak. Lightburn, the lead singer is a black guy with a Jewish name who sounds like Morrissey. Alongside the Arctic Fire, they were one of the leaders of the Montreal music scene which emerged in the early part of the decade.

Their world view can be best described by their optimistic album titles like “No Cities Left”, “Gang of Losers” and “Orchestral Pop Noir Romantique”. As a black guy from Montreal who sounds like Morrissey, I’m pretty sure Murray had a hard time fitting in. They can be described the depressed love child of The Smiths & Radiohead who can still rock.and Since their debut release “End Of a Hollywood Bedtime Story” in 2000, they have always seemed on the cusp of world domination, but have settled well into indie rock success considering the lack of support from the major Canadian media.

Protesting a Protest : Tamils in Toronto

Canada is so nice. In most parts of the world protests are tolerated and then broken up quickly. In England the police backhand woman. A recent protest by Armenians in Greece due to the Turkish refusal to accept their 1915 murders as genocide was halted by riot police. This is a stance that most Greeks support and they were shut down. In Toronto we let them tie up a major street for three days. Tamil protesters are demonstarting in front of the US Consulate. The consulate is located on University Ave, a major street in downtown Toronto which is also the location of hospitals, the opera house and City Hall.

The protests are in support for the Tamil Tigers, an organization that supports a Tamil state in Sril Lanka. They are also a terrorist organization in the eyes of Canada and the US. The demonstrators are hoping that their voice is heard and, well who the hell cares, those bastards are tieing up traffic. The police are just sitting around, watching and collecting overtime. This is the same police force that will give you a ticket for parking on this street, but wave a banner with a scary tiger and you're free to do as you choose. Would I be free to park on University if I had a Tony the Tiger flag?

Toronto is home to the largest Tamil population outside of Sri Lanka. Protesting is useless mostr of the time, but protesting in Toronto is beyond useless. No one in the world cares what happens in Toronto and certainly not what happens in front of a consulate. Canada is like the USAs stupid little brother. So protesting in front of a consulate is like asking Donald Trump's slow brother for cash. Actually it's more like asking his nurse for cash. It's a consulate,not even the embassy or Parliament. Is their aim to hold up people getting their passports renewed? I'm really surprised the Conservatives are not getting behind the Tamils. This seems to be a perfect time to pander and try to steal an ethinc group from the Liberals.

The Tamils have also broken another social contract in their use of car flags. That tiger logo flying on a car is in violations of the three reasons established in car flag etiquette.

1. Fly a flag to support your favourite sports team.
2. Fly a flag to support your ethnic background in a soccer tournament
3. Fly the Canadian flag to show you hate soccer

Supporting a liberation army is not an established legal ground in the landmark case of Racist Canadian Vs Italian Soccer Fans 1982. The case established global soccer tournaments, Stanley Cup playoff victories or any Leaf win as a cause for car flags.

Image from Torontoist.

Clinton Vs. Bush : One Night Only In Toronto

As the biggest city in Canada Toronto has been witness to some major events. Only a few can be deemed earth shattering. An event planned for May 29, 2009 is being billed by no one but me as the biggest event to hit Toronto since the Ultimate Warrior battled Hulk Hogan in Wrestlemania 6 in 1990.

In one corner will be the 42nd President of the United States,William Jefferson Clinton. In the other corner will be the 43rd President of the United States, George Walker Bush. In the middle will be a moderator to keep what is billed as "a conversation" civil. Oh please let it be Peter Mansbridge.

While ticket prices haven't been set for this rumble this historic event is priceless. The stage is the historic Metro Toronto Convention Centre. This presidential rumble joins auto shows, trade shows, NHL Award Shows and Canadian Idol in the storied facility. Imagine being able to hear Clinton drone on for 45 minutes about foreign affairs, while gingerly avoiding talking about getting a blow job in the oval office. Think of listening to W. mispronounce words while he avoids talking about torture or how he screwed up the economy, the war, the constitution and everything but Monica Lewinsky. Watch as these two titans of American History completely avoid debating each other on issues they fundamentally disagree on. All the while you will be listening and thinking about how much you or your company paid for the ticket and the tax write off you will receive.

Just being near the facility while the Secret Service jams up traffic and tramples on the civil liberties of Torontonians heading to work will make this event one that will be talked about for hours. How can you miss this event?

Canadian Icon: Toronto Maple Leafs

Image courtesy of the Toronto Maple Leafs

A first in a series that takes a look at iconic people, places and things in Canadian History. Today we take a look at the most popular team in the most popular sport in the land....The Toronto Maple Leafs.

The National Hockey League was founded in 1917 with Toronto as a founding member. In 1927, the then St. Patricks were taken over by Conn Smythe. Smythe a hockey genius and hater of all things Irish, quickly changed the team name to the Maple Leafs. Out went the green sweaters and team mascot Lucky the Drunken Mick and in came the blue and white and glory. Smythe also had a poor grasp of grammer which is why the team wasn't named the Maple Leaves.

The NHL was a very different league before 1967. A highly competitive 6 team league where the 4 American teams were controlled by one family with close ties to the mob. 11 Stanley Cups were won in this period. Toronto's main rival for supremacy in the league was the hated Montreal Canadiens and in a 6 team league they played each other like 30 times a year. The Habs played with skill and were mostly French, 2 things that are hated in Toronto up to the present day. Each game was filled to capacity at the team owned Maple Leaf Gardens, a building built during the depression using labour at slave wages and lovely yellow brick.

Things would change in the late 60's. The NHL began to expand, a rival league was formed and the team was taken over by Smythe's idiot son Stafford and his skirt chasing buddy Harold Ballard. What didn't change was the continued success of the team at the turnstile, even with a host of mediocre players. As salaries rose the Leafs refused to get involved and players would leave in a revolving door of greatness. The names would fill the roster of any 2nd tier Hall of Fame Team. Keon, McDonald, Daoust, Leeman, Gill, Salming would all play for the blue and white then leave. The Leafs, led by Captain Darryl Sittler and his teammate Bill the Chimp would make a run in the 70's ending in the semifinals.

Heroically in the 1970's the team covered up a pedophile scandal so it wouldn't disturb the fervor of what would become Leaf Nation.

Ballard's death and the line of owners since him haven't changed the storied Maple Leaf way of doing things. Hockey fans in Toronto will line up and pay big bucks to fill the building and watch a mediocre product struggle through each successive season. As teams in hockey hotbeds like Anaheim, Tampa, Dallas & Carolina have lifted the storied cup named after a British Lord who never watched a game of hockey in his life, the Leafs refused to use their financial windfall to their advantage to unfairly succeed in the league.. This commitment continues, even though no one south of the Great Lakes gives a shit about the sport.

What does the future hold for the Buds? Only time and the Teacher's Pension Fund will be able to tell. What we can be sure of is that the lemming of Leaf Nation will continue to ensure sellouts at the Air Canada Centre.

Could you pick up a steak, 2 bagels and touch of fabulous in aisle 5

Image Courtesy of canoe.ca

Take that Paris and New York. Toronto once again screams world class by having it's own fashion week showcasing the best in haute couture. Eat bellbottoms Yves St Laurent, get to the discount bin Gucci, there's a new(ish) kid in town and he doesn't have to be showcased in the finest stores in the world. His name is Joe and he has a "fresh take on fashion".

Joe Fresh is an exclusive fashion brand available at Loblaws branded supermarkets across Canada. It was created by the supermarket giant in partnership with the unemployed founder of Club Monaco to allow consumers to add a bit of fashion to their supermarket buggy. It also allows them to compete with the chic George brand available at Wal Mart. That is if you define compete as trying not to get crushed by Walmart.

The cheap chic ethic exemplified by Joe, George and H&M, the Swedish behemoth of disposable fashion survives on cheap basics and the belief that clothes dont have to survive multiple washings or be well made to be worn be worn by fashionistas. In a recession you look good, not by wearing the best in clothes or cosmetics, but saving money by not washing clothes that will fall apart the first time they meet Tide. By the way Joe Fresh is making cosmetics now. Think of all the savings caused by cosmetics you wouldnt want to be seen wearing outside of your home or a clown college.

In other fashion news SI swimsuit model Jessica White claims she can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight, including chili, chip and wings. It's her "see food"diet. She sees food on her plate, she eats it, she sees it again 10 minutes later. Metabolism is another word for bullshit.