Going to See the Late Show With David Letterman Part 4

Stop right now chico if you havent read Part 1, Part 2 or Part 3.

The world was a simpler place for David Letterman on May 14, 2009 or at least it seemed so to me from the front row of the Ed Sullivan Theatre. Letterman was still in second place as Jay Leno had a couple of weeks left on the Tonight Show. Sarah Palin was the Governor of Alaska and had not yet gone to Yankee Stadium with her daughter. Most importantly Letterman was months away from becoming tabloid news as the centre of the worst blackmail plot in history.

On a cold, rainy Thursday in May of 2009 Letterman was in the midst of sweeps week and welcomed Kid Scientists, Teri Hatcher and rapper Rick Ross to the Ed Sullivan Theatre stage. Prior to creepy intern sex, Dave was known for the gap in his teeth, the curly hair and a cold studio. I had prepared by properly layering myself for a ski trip and was disappointed when it wasn’t that cold.

If you were watching at home there was nothing particularly memorable about that show. The monologue featured a number of Dick Cheney jokes. As “The Da Vinci Code” was coming to theatres the show featured a pre taped bit with Tom Hanks and a Top ten presented by Ron Howard. Dave had fun with the Kid Scientists and seemed bored with Teri Hatcher. The song “Yacht Club” performed by Rick Ross thankfully never became a hit.

There are a number of memories and observations that have stayed with me as an audience member that night that include:

1. The stage was exactly the way it seems on TV, only smaller and foggier
2. How much the crew enjoyed watching Dave interact with the Kid Scientists
3. Hearing a crew member saying “Well I guess the show is over” after the kids left the stage. 4. There was still two segments with Teri Hatcher and a song by Rick Ross to go
4. How right the crew member was!
5. How thin Teri Hatcher was.
6. She might be ridiculously thin but she was a looker in a little black dress. Her segments though were incredibly boring. Something about the Desperate Housewives finale
7. Commercial breaks were not a uniform length. While it took 5 minutes to set up the orchestra for Rick Ross, Teri and Dave had to uncomfortably talk through about 30 seconds
8. The band plays through every commercial
9. While leaving I tried to take a prohibited picture and got a couple of blurry pictures as a result. The interns were watching us like hawks

After leaving we visited the neighbouring CBS Boutique and purchased a classic grey Late Show T-Shirt and blue Late Show mug. The mug at $8 and shirt at $18 were actually reasonably priced for a tourist trap.

After being a fan for most of my life it was a real treat to spend 3 hours of my trip to see the show. Ironically even after the applications and the trivia questions there was still extra tickets available. It is worth the trip if you are in New York with some free time and he doesn’t get fired.

Going to See the Late Show With David Letterman Part 3

Don't worry! Here's where you can find Part 1 and Part 2.

As you enter the Ed Sullivan Theatre, the home of David Letterman since 1993, you develop a sense of déjà vu. The French would call it a sense of having been there before. As much as the guests, the band or any of the comedy, the theatre has been the star of the show since Letterman went to CBS. They say the camera adds ten pounds, but it also seems to add ten yards to your perception. Everything I had seen on TV, like the desk and the stage was there but on a smaller scale then watching at home would have you believe. This was not the first time I had been to a television taping as I had seen lame Canadian Game Show “Just Like Mom” as a kid and lame Canadian Talk Show “Camilla Scott” as a teen.

Due to our place in line we were led to seats in the front row, right beside the announcer’s desk. While the audience relegated to the balcony was promised a clear view of the stage, being able to put our feet up on the stage was pretty sweet. The half hour before the taping chock full of entertainment value. It started when the interns gathered on stage and led us clapping through a couple of alt- rock songs. Our hands numb with sores we were introduced to the warm up comedian Eddie Brill. Brill, who also works as talent coordinator on the show, yet lacks any discernible talent. He led us through more clapping practice and then introduced a classic “Late Show” clip featuring Dave working at a Taco Bell After the clip he told a couple of jokes about how touristy Times Square had become, which were as stale as a Times Square Hot Dog Bun.

Brill led us through some more clapping instructions. We were supposed to clap heavily at the beginning of the show after the announcer said “It’s The Late Show with Dayyyyvid Letterman.” The CBS Orchestra was introduced individually and played two songs. Paul Schaffer was introduced for the second song, with some tepid applause from a heavily Canadian audience. We dutifully clapped through a couple of well played tunes while I wondered if there would be any clap left in me for the show?

David Letterman was introduced and came running to the stage as the digital clock reached 4:27. Whenever anyone sees a star they are always asked how they look in real life. Well with Letterman, who looks and acts younger then his 62 years of age there were no surprises. In his classic style he started by informing us that while many of his shows he has produced over the past 30 years have been classics, this would not be one of them. After a couple of jokes he was able to take one question from the audience. For what must have been the 500th time, the lucky audience member asked if he could switch ties with the host. Letterman made a joke about the mans tie, left the stage and the band started playing the theme song as the clock hit 4:30.

Will we find out how a blog post can be longer then the show that it is about? The thrilling conclusion awaits in Part 4!

Going to See the Late Show With David Letterman Part 2

Part 1 of this gripping tale can be found here

We arrived at the theatre at 2:15 and quickly realized that there was a line up around the theatre of “Gold List” ticket holders. While in line we were handed a questionnaire asking us if we had any talents worthy of being Stupid Human Tricks for a future broadcast. As the line was filled with many fellow Canadians in the city for a long weekend, there were plenty of stupid humans available. This also made it fairly easy to cut in line.

It took us 15 minutes to get to the front of the line where we encountered a beefy dude with a clipboard. With my name on the list and as I had the necessary Government Photo ID with the exact spelling of my name the doors to the theatre opened. It was the first of many times that we realized that the theatre in real life seems a lot smaller then it is on TV. It was also the first of many times that we encountered a super cheery Late Show Intern. Every Late Show employee involved in audience relations was happy in that “Tom Cruise brainwashed by Scientology” sort of way. While I can understand how excited anyone would be to work for a TV legend, it would have been more fitting for the employees to have been as sarcastic as the host. One intern gave us the tickets and another one put us through a quick applause practice before we were given 45 minutes to return to the theatre and explore the city. The entire process was easy and efficient.

The 45 minutes allowed us a quick walk down Broadway, a short stop in the small but modestly priced “CBS Store” and a tasty spinach slice at Famiglia Pizza . We returned to the theatre but not before stopping at my trivia question answer, the Hello Deli. My friend picked up an iced tea and gave his money to a sullen Rupert Gee. Apparently being a tourist attraction is not the secret to happiness.

The audience was grouped by the colour coding on their tickets. Apparently the enthusiasm we showed while picking up the tickets had enabled us to get a yellow sticker which gained us access to the two front rows. As we were tired after a 5 am departure from Toronto, my guest believed it was due to naming the obscure “Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interviews” as our favourite segment. This would have separated us as true fans, rather then those who answered “The Top Ten”, Jaywalking or the tribal council. A later look around the audience also showed that the there was a definite demographic skew to seating as older fans were relegated to the balcony.

We were ushered into the Late Show lobby that would be our home for 45 minutes.The doors to the theatre would open while we waited, giving us a tantalizing glimpse of the world inside the theatre. Yet another chipper intern guided us through the process. As it was “Sweeps Weeks” we were promised a bigger bang for our buck. While the previous three days had seen visits by Robin Williams, Alec Baldwin and Tom Hanks, we were given Teri Hatcher, Kid Scientists and musical guest Rick Ross and Magazeen. While lacking the star power of previous nights there was the added bonus of a top ten list presented by Ron Howard. Truthfully the guest could have been Zippy the Squirrel and I would have been happy to be there.

The intern noted that Dave fed off the energy of the audience and would cut good bits if the crowd was quiet. While this is undoubtedly bullshit it scared us enough to be led through a lengthy clapping session. There was also warnings about the type of noises that were verboten. These included no cheering for mentions of hometown, no ahhhhhhhs for sad stories and no spring break woooooooooossss. After another bout of extended clapping we were told there was no photography allowed inside the theatre. After a last minute washroom warning and a little more clapping, the doors to the theatre swung open at 4 PM.

Would we be escorted out of the theatre for not clapping enough? Wait for the gripping continuation in Part 3.

Going To See The Late Show With David Letterman Part 1

On a recent episode of the sitcom “30 Rock”, Gavin Volure the character played by guest star Steve Martin told Liz Lemon “Toronto is like New York, but without all the stuff”. There is stuff for every type of person in the Big Apple. Shopaholics can pretend they are the bitches from “Sex in the City”. Shopaholics on a budget can get fake shit on Canal St. Those who masturbate in public have the many acres of Central Park to play around in. Basketball nerds can visit Rucker Park and MSG, or find every sneaker ever made. Art lovers can get all pretentious in the Met and sarcastic assholes like myself can travel to the mecca of sarcasm. On Broadway between 53rd and 54th you can find the Ed Sullivan Theatre and sitting on the throne is The Grand Poobah of Snarkiness, Mr David Letterman.

As a child growing up in the eighties, with strict parents and a curfew, a VCR opened up a world of TV previously unavailable. Every night at 12:30 am my Panasonic VCR would motor into action and tape Late Night with David Letterman. As I got older, Letterman moved to 11:35, the VCR was replaced by youtube clips and the DVR recorded Stewart and Colbert. Still when a wedding invitation took me to New York recently, there was only one show I wanted to see. That was the Late Show with David Letterman.

A trip to the Ed Sullivan theatre starts months earlier on the Late Show website. Four months prior to my Victoria Day Weekend visit, the dates I was to be in the city finally became available to be chosen. This didn’t mean that I had them reserved, it just put me in the queue to be contacted. As it says on the website “We will contact as many people who have submitted requests as ticket availability will allow. We will not be able to call everyone who submits.” So I picked May 14 and I waited and waited and waited…. I had lost hope and considered getting Jimmy Fallon tickets until I realized that if I wanted to see a trainwreck I could stay in Toronto and watch a taping of George Strombolopoulos.

About a week before my departure a long distance number called my cell phone. I picked it up expecting to hear an Indian man trying to sell me insurance. Instead it was a female voice calling from the Late Show offices in New York. After confirming I would be in New York City before 10 am on the day of the taping, I was given a skill testing question. Expecting a toughie I loaded up Google on the old computer and was asked what type of business Late Show regular Rupert Gee owned. I didn’t need the best search engine in the world to know that it was the Hello Deli. The tickets were mine if I got to the theatre between 2 and 3 PM on the 14th. With an arrival time of 11:55 at Laguardia there should have been no problem getting to Broadway and 54th by the appointed time.

Of course delays at Laguardia are the norm. The morning of May 14th was also particularly windy and delayed our departure from Jim Kelly International Airport (pictured) in suburban Buffalo. Arriving in New York a little after 1 PM, we were forced to take one of the hotel limos into the city. This is a lovely New York phenomenon where a 10 year old Lincoln takes you anywhere in the city for twice what a cab costs or 20 times that of the subway. The great thing about New York cabs is that they are all equipped with “Cab TV”. It is a 15 minute loop of programming supplied by the NBC, ABC or FOX affiliates in the city.

Would we get to the show on time? Will I stay on topic? Stay tuned for the even longer part 2 of our saga!